Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Leaving Town

Let me give you a little back story:
I live in a wealthy suburban town in the hell hole of Texas (which, as of late, is actually resembling Hell) and all my life I have been dreaming about leaving "the bubble" and striking out on my own for crazy adventures in a place with lots of culture and people who give a fuck. I wanted to make mistakes and be brave enough to talk to people I had never met before. I had dreamed about riding my bike to class or a farmer's market taking home vegetables and fruit and pursuing my passion and laying on the beach. My parents always told people that when I grew up I was going to go to the very expensive college of far far away.... and that's just what I did.
I had always intended on ditching this town and getting the hell out of here as soon as I could. Ha! I had even broken up with guys who said they wanted to stay here and that they wanted me to stay here too. Hell no! I was not going to stay in this snobby town and the lackluster state of Texas for some guy who seemed to have about as much passion and drive as a pebble. I had shit to do! And that's why it surprised me that, after giving my two weeks notice at work, I was crying in the car. Two weeks! Two weeks to have everything ready. Two weeks to say good bye to my dogs and my family. Two weeks until I have to say goodbye to him. And that's where my gut really churns and I start sobbing. I don't know why I cried (and have been crying) as it wont be long before winter break starts, but i couldn't (and haven't) help myself. I can't say goodbye. I've said goodbye to so many friends and really only have one left to say goodbye to. I've known her since I was in the first grade... and I'll probably cry then too. But I never cried for any of them. Some, I must admit, I was even happy to see go. But  not him. No, I cant help but cry when I think of it. People always say that long distance relationships never work and that when couples go to college they almost always break up . And as stupid as it may seem, I don't think that will happen. Perhaps I'm in denial or in my little fairy tale land again but when I really sit and think about it all i can say is:I'm in it for the long haul damn it! And if it blows up in my face then at least I tried my hardest and I'm not the one who fucked up the most amazing thing I have ever had besides my own passion. And at least I'm not giving up a dream for a man. And I know he would never ask me to and that makes me love him more.I guess all I can do at this point and pray and cherish every moment and kiss we have. I've bought a military inspired locket for me and tomorrow we are ordering and engraved dog tag locket for him. If they don't let him wear it in the marines then he can just put it in a drawer or something. It's crazy. I never pictured myself doing something like this. I would have never figured that the man I loved would ever be far away from me or joining the military or that there would even be a man that I could say that I loved at the ripe age of 18 or that I would have chosen to stay with him through college or even intend to spend years with none the less. I have always been one of those independent girls who didn't need a guy for jack shit. And, while I'm still independently going forward and striving for my dream, I have someone else who is doing the same and still loves me. And we will have pictures to prove it. Well, I guess I'm just fucked you guys. Although some may think this is a mistake or it's stupid and even crazy to think that a love can make it through college, boot camp, service, war, Afghanistan and distance, I say fuck them.
Yes, fashion has always been my great personal dream... but I have also dreamed of having the greatest love story of all time. And I think that may be what I'm getting.
Mi vida: Semper Fi Amo!
Always Faithful to Love


Jo Payne said...

Hey Josie,

I think that leaving home for college and crying a little before you go is normal. I mean everyone has a different effect. Also I believe in your relationship, and that it will stay strong all four years and more. I can feel the determination you have from what I read and there's a lot of it. You don't seem like one to quit or go off the path to be successful at what you want. Well stay strong and best wishes.

Joanna Payne
P.S. I hope I wasn't a creeper for reading and commenting. lol

Josie said...

lol! you are by no means a creeper! in fact, i like comments! they put a nice big smile on my face. And I would really like to be open with people, you know?
and god I hope so. Ha! I'm from an airline family so im used to the distance.. at least short term.

Josie said...

I mean, seriously, you guys can comment all you want.
This is information about me that I am giving to you and I would love to hear about you. If you've got a blog, put the link on the comment! twitter? great! post it!you got something you just want to say? by all means, just comment.