Leaving Town

Let me give you a little back story:
I live in a wealthy suburban town in the hell hole of Texas (which, as of late, is actually resembling Hell) and all my life I have been dreaming about leaving "the bubble" and striking out on my own for crazy adventures in a place with lots of culture and people who give a fuck. I wanted to make mistakes and be brave enough to talk to people I had never met before. I had dreamed about riding my bike to class or a farmer's market taking home vegetables and fruit and pursuing my passion and laying on the beach. My parents always told people that when I grew up I was going to go to the very expensive college of far far away.... and that's just what I did.
I had always intended on ditching this town and getting the hell out of here as soon as I could. Ha! I had even broken up with guys who said they wanted to stay here and that they wanted me to stay here too. Hell no! I was not going to stay in this snobby town and the lackluster state of Texas for some guy who seemed to have about as much passion and drive as a pebble. I had shit to do! And that's why it surprised me that, after giving my two weeks notice at work, I was crying in the car. Two weeks! Two weeks to have everything ready. Two weeks to say good bye to my dogs and my family. Two weeks until I have to say goodbye to him. And that's where my gut really churns and I start sobbing. I don't know why I cried (and have been crying) as it wont be long before winter break starts, but i couldn't (and haven't) help myself. I can't say goodbye. I've said goodbye to so many friends and really only have one left to say goodbye to. I've known her since I was in the first grade... and I'll probably cry then too. But I never cried for any of them. Some, I must admit, I was even happy to see go. But  not him. No, I cant help but cry when I think of it. People always say that long distance relationships never work and that when couples go to college they almost always break up . And as stupid as it may seem, I don't think that will happen. Perhaps I'm in denial or in my little fairy tale land again but when I really sit and think about it all i can say is:I'm in it for the long haul damn it! And if it blows up in my face then at least I tried my hardest and I'm not the one who fucked up the most amazing thing I have ever had besides my own passion. And at least I'm not giving up a dream for a man. And I know he would never ask me to and that makes me love him more.I guess all I can do at this point and pray and cherish every moment and kiss we have. I've bought a military inspired locket for me and tomorrow we are ordering and engraved dog tag locket for him. If they don't let him wear it in the marines then he can just put it in a drawer or something. It's crazy. I never pictured myself doing something like this. I would have never figured that the man I loved would ever be far away from me or joining the military or that there would even be a man that I could say that I loved at the ripe age of 18 or that I would have chosen to stay with him through college or even intend to spend years with none the less. I have always been one of those independent girls who didn't need a guy for jack shit. And, while I'm still independently going forward and striving for my dream, I have someone else who is doing the same and still loves me. And we will have pictures to prove it. Well, I guess I'm just fucked you guys. Although some may think this is a mistake or it's stupid and even crazy to think that a love can make it through college, boot camp, service, war, Afghanistan and distance, I say fuck them.
Yes, fashion has always been my great personal dream... but I have also dreamed of having the greatest love story of all time. And I think that may be what I'm getting.
Mi vida: Semper Fi Amo!
Always Faithful to Love

Navy SEALs: News I wish I had not heard

News of 22 Navy SEALs being gunned down in Afghanistan is not exactly the kind you want to hear when your boyfriend is about to join the military. In fact, it really just makes me want to smash my parents new TV.
I was actually at Which Wich getting my daily sandwich when I saw it in the New York Times. Thankfully my sandwich was done before I got the chance to read past the title. However, upon arriving at home I was bombarded by the 60 inch TV (which is bombardment enough) and the same news story and this time I could not escape. My heart dropped further when I heard that many of those who died were from the famous SEAL team six that was responsible for taking down Osama Bin Laden. That is probably the hardest part for me. the SEAL team six is supposed to be the best of the best, the strongest the best trained, etc. In truth, I never really paid much attention to the news or stories about the military until this year. I never felt personally affected by it. But now that my love is joining the marines it seems to be almost all that I think about and the stories seem to be everywhere and I cant stop crying when I see the videos on youtube about the soldiers who come home and see their dogs and I refuse to see the movie South Pacific ever again despite its very good show tunes.
So back to my point, this awful, tragic, down right shitty event is kind of making an already hard situation harder. My main concern had always been that I was going to miss him like crazy. But that has a fairly easy fix (join clubs, keep busy, make friends, visit whenever I can write and blog until carpel tunnel kicks in). However, due to recent events, my main concern has obviously shifted. And yes, I know that he will most likely have a desk job due to his many previous injuries, but I also know that when push comes to shove, if they need him to do combat, he's going to do it and it won't matter how much metal he has in him or how many broken bones he has had. Thankfully, I do have a great deal of faith in how our marines are trained... but still, I can't help but be afraid that I might get the news that I will never see his face again. I also worry that the Marines will change him so much that once he gets out he won't even be the same wonderful man that I know now. So I admit it, ok? I'm freaked out! I really want to be able to be that person that is calm no matter what and always has faith that everything will be ok. But just like anyone else, I have worries and doubts and fears. What puzzles me (and scares me) the most is that is totally and completely calm about it. I'm not sure if he's doing it for my sake or if he just really has a lot of faith (in the training or himself or maybe even God) but what I do know is that when he wants something, he goes after it. And I love him too much to stop him. So I guess I just have to toughen up and perhaps stop watching the news and avoid newspapers like the plague.
So yeah, thats all I can think of right now. God bless the SEALs, our troops, the entire military, and if you're out there and if you're listening (I know I haven't been to church in forever) give not only me but anyone who is in this position or a position similar the strength and the love to get throught this.
That's all I've got for today. I'm not going to edit this. I have to go fix my makeup and find more tissues. Enjoy this video. I couldnt finish watching.

Haunted College

This is the city where my college is and apparently the dorms are haunted too. Wow, they really meant it when they said SCAD was like Hogwarts

Roommate day: so far, its torture

So today is the day we find out who our roommates are.... and they hve yet to send out the e-mails. So I'm sitting here thinking of all the awful possibilities I could end up with and this is what I've got so far:

• Doesn't have a facebook- yes i know this sounds silly but I'm ready to start talking about room plans, like, NOW. And I really don't want to have to search all over facebook just to find out that she doesn't have one and furthermore, that i have no way to contact her and discuss these plans. 
• That she will hate me- This is not hard to do. I'm not the nicest person in the world, especially if I feel my personal space is invaded and a dorm room, well, has no personal space. Plus, when I get really excited about something I kind of start to make all these plans and have all these ideas and I'm kind of worried I might bombard her with all of these plans or (accidentally) make her feel like her opinion doesn't matter. I would HATE for this to happen!
• That I will hate HER- I'm a pretty particular person and I'm really used to having my own space, my sleep un-interrupted, and only my own mess to clean. Oh, and my own closet. I'm REALLY used to that (I actually have two closets: one fairly small closet for all the current clothes of the season and one very large walk in closet above the previous closet, there is a ladder leading from one to the other, for the clothes of last season, special occasions, costumes, and repairs). And some of these changes are going to be difficult for me to swallow... particularly the sharing of the closet part.  And the sleeping part, yeah, I pity anyone who tries to wake me up too soon. I'm sort of scary.... OK, I'm a friggin' monster! But i'm also willing to compromise and discuss and work out any issues we may have. 
• That some of my things will just randomly... go missing- I typically would never suspect anyone of stealing. Its just not something I usually think about.... until I read all these awful roommate horror stories! Now, I still highly doubt anyone from this amazing art school would do anything like that. But still, a lot of the things I own have a lot of emotional attachment, like my grandfather's sweater, my grandmother's rings, the dress I got in Thailand, and theft is just such an awful thing not just for someone to do, but to accuse someone of doing. And I NEVER want to have to deal with that. 
• That my roommate and I will have no connection- I completely understand if we aren't best friends or anything or even if we just don't hang out. That's totally cool with me and I won't take it personally, but I would like to enjoy coming back to the dorm and see this person there. Hell, I would love to be good friend's with my roommate just like I was with mine at WashU Portfolio Plus. But at the very least, I don't want to feel like I'm coming home to some stranger I just happen to share a room with. 
• That my roommate will like me too much- Sounds silly right? Well, if you think about it, its really not. do I want to be friends with my roommate? Yes. Would I like to be close friends with my roommate? Hell, yeah! Do I want my roommate to follow me around all the time and make me feel bad because I didn't include her in one stupid thing that she wasn't even interested in? Hell to the no!
• That she won't tell me when there is a problem- I really want to get along with my roommate. And a lot of that involves communication. Future roommate: if there is any sort of problem, even if its small and stupid, please tell me. I sincerely want you to like me and I am willing to reasonably compromise to make that happen. And I can't fix a problem if I don't know that there is one
• That I will get one of the haunted dorms- I know, this also sounds silly but seriously, look at this site! It has all the SCAD dorms and the hauntings. Apparently SCAD and the RA's take it really seriously too. http://haunted_scad.tripod.com/ 
• That I will get stuck with the prude who cant even change clothes in front of me-I mean, geez, We're both adults here and the girl who hides in the closet or bathroom to change just makes things even more awkward. Or that she will hate me because I dont go to church. I'm from Texas, a very deep red state, so I'm kind of an anomalous and I've actually lost friends because I dont go to church, or i don't go to THEIR church, or because of my political beliefs. To me, that stuff is deeply personal and should never be a reason to stop being friends with someone, or worse, treat them like crap. I'm pretty accepting of all walks of life, religious, non religious, saints, sinners. And I would hope that my roommate would be too. 
• That she will encourage me to eat shitty food. - I really dont need that right now
• That I will have to wait forever to find out who my roommate is!!!!! COME ON SCAD!!!! 

Finding a Nutritional Dominatrix

So after looking around my town for possible diet options (nutritionists, diet programs, stuff like that) I realized that just about every other place had some sort of gimmick that I had no interest in, like drugs and massive amounts of expensive supplements. When my mother realized "Oh hey! You have a 24 hour membership! I'm going to call them and see what they say." She made an Appointment with this muscly guy who pretty much just asked me what my goals were and things along that line and he directed me to one of his trainers/nutrionists. I had an appointment set up as soon as possible, attended said appointment and was pleasantly surprised. The nutrition plan she had made was very doable... even enjoyable. I got introduced into muscle milk as a night time snack/chocolate fix.... and my GOD was it good!!! I was actually very sad when it was gone. She incorporated things that i liked and ate often like my turkey and cheese sandwich from which which (which I always cut and half and save the rest for later) and my love for berries and broccoli. I now eat 6 times a day at specific times (way more often than I'm used to eating) 3 hours apart and have an APEX account and she has promised that I will not be able to get away with anything, so I will now be micromanaged by a nutritional fitness dominatix. And that is exactly what I needed.
I now also have to go to the gym EVERY SINGLE DAY and if i miss a day, I have to double up. And I am now upping my work out schedule so that on days that I bellydance I am also going for a run or gettting at least 30 min of hard cardio. I am also logging EVERYTHING. even a bite of celery and at what time. Hoping to get the body bugg, a little device that tracks the amount of calories you have burned, but its pretty expensive. I may just have to dip into my graduation money but god knows I'm incredibly stingy with money once it goes into saving. In fact, I've never taken money out of my savings before.
I have also just discovered that the power crunch bars I get to have for my afternoon snack can be ordered online with FREE shipping! That makes life for the poor college student with out a car significantly easier.
for now i am having my morning snack because, according to my summer sleep schedule, 2:30pm. is still morning to my body. its quite delicious actually. Plain nonfat greek yogurt with stevia, 2 mango slices and a pinch of almonds. Surprisingly filling. I have not yet gotten the power crunch bars or the Apex whey drink mix (they didnt have it at costco). but that is on my schedule today. Now if only I could actually get myself to start that dang apex account!

The Semper Fi GF

I have recently been informed that my boyfriend is pursuing the marines. My initial reaction, of course, was bad. I really did not want him to do it but I told him that I wasn't going stop him because he would never stop me from pursuing what I wanted to do with my life. None the less, I was (not) secretly delighted when he told me that the marines would not take him because of the many broken bones he acquired from BMX sports. Thank GOD for a boy's recklessness!!! He woke me up the next morning (with a phone call) to tell me that the marines will take him after all (shit!) as long as he does well enough on the test and he will only be able to take a desk job (oh thank god!). And I decided: I can handle that. So He has been studying his butt off. My only concern now is the distance apart and the time we will spend away, which would have been inevitable since I'm already leaving for Georgia in a little over a month. and who knows? Maybe he will even be stationed closer to me. But still, I cant help but be a little ill at ease with that situation.
But eventually I put those thoughts of worry aside and actually thought about what I thought was going to happen or change and I realized: not much. Just because he's in anther city does not make me less crazy about him. We wouldn't have been in the same city anyways. At least this way we can both spend the next four years preparing to do what we want to do with our lives and become who we always wanted to be. Could things fall apart? Yes. But I honestly don't feel that it will. At least not any time soon. I was reminded of something that I had heard in the Sex in the City 2 movie (I'm still obsessed with this show. I'm sure I've seen them all multiple times). Carrie's butler, when asked about his relationship with his distant wife, said  “When we see each other time doesn’t matter. Each time we see each other, it’s wonderful” And isn't that what really matters? Its not the amount of time you spend together but the quality of time and the quality of the person you are spending time with. I gotta say, I see him every few days and each day is wonderful no matter what we are doing. Hell, I dont even need an hour with him to cheer me up for a week.
 On the car ride to the mall with my mom says "its a shame you two can't be together. I like him more and more everyday" "yeah he kinda grows on you like that. And what do you mean?" "Well, you're not going t be in the same cities anymore and probably not even in the same state" "so?" 
I'm sure many of you reading this must think I'm in some crazy fairy tale land and maybe I am. But I assure you, I'm looking at this as realistically as possible. First of all: I have amazing flight benefits so as long as he remains in the U.S. (as he probably will) I can visit him for nearly nothing. Second of all: he gets great benefits! And makes a good bit of money too. Third: once he is out of the service getting a good job will be as easy as pie. Fourth: the dress blues are sexy. And it is very respectable and I would be insanely proud of him. Fifth: Um, I'm going to be in college. I'm going to be working my ass off in the name of art and Fashion. And when I'm not working my ass off there, I will be working my ass off... at the gym. Or, of course, I will be making friends and having a good time. And I've always wanted to write a letter to a man in the military. I guess I could start with my own man. Does anyone know what the program is? The one that gives you a soldier to write letter to? If anyone ever finds out let me know. "
So in other words, I'm no longer worried. If it works out, great. If not, well, I'm still awful proud to know him.

But yeah, I've had this one song stuck in my head all day and I have to post it. I think its just too perfect.

Peacock dance!!!!!

ok, so I'm aware that this is completely random but I have a fascination with peacocks. The dance gets kinda boring after a minute but still, what a beautiful bird!